My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
