Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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