i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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