took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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