we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
