Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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