If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
