I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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