My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
