You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
