I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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