so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
