Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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