Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
