i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
