eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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