So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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