So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
