I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
