yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
