I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
