You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
