The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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