He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
