What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
