I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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