i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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