So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
