Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
