She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
