Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
