I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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