What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
