What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
