Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
