Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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