youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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