we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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