dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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