How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
