Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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