Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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