im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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