That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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