You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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