it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
