Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
