your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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