My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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