Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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