He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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