Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
