She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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