so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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