i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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