every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
