I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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