did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I looked at my own cervix.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
