Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
