Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
