oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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