did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
