I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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