Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
