I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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