Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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