He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
