i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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