she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
