when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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