I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize