In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
