the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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