Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
